Newbie Guide to the Newsgroups (4th Edition) (Community)

Newbie Guide to the Newsgroups (4th Edition) // Community

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goober king

Nov 28, 2002, 6:14am
Don't look now, but it's another edition of the NG2tNGs! That's right,
the Newbie Guide to the Newsgroups!

For those of you just joining us, the NG2tNGs is the perfect companion
to help you get acquainted with everything you'll encounter here in this
wonderful land we call the newsgroups. To start things off, here's an
introduction to just some of the characters you'll encounter in your
thread-tracing travels:

Absolute Monarch - Ruler of Sapphire Estates and self-proclaimed "Evil
Chaotic Lord of the Dead and Demons", this necrophile will beg, borrow,
and steal to get attention for his town. Be especially wary if he starts
asking about worlds...

Agent1 - This Voice of Reason in the NGs will jump at any opportunity to
point out faulty logic or blatantly obvious blunders in the driest
manner possible. In fact, just about the only thing that could get him
to crack a smile is the thought of harassing AWI staff.

AlphaBit Phalpha - Former Head of the You-Know-What Awards, ABP now
oversees worms and fishing hooks under her new role as the purveyor of
the Bite Me Bait & Tackle Shop (yes, it's a real place). At least you
won't hear the worms complaining about a "popularity contest"...

Ambivalent - This one's a total misnomer, especially when it comes to
ripping her off. World hosters, BEWARE!

Ananas - And oldie but goodie of the NGs, this one's always ready with a
quick one-liner or friendly word of advice. In other words, he's one of
the quiet ones your mother always told you to watch out for...

Andras - Overseer of the "other" AW newsgroups, this one is also
responsible for almost every non-bot related program used in conjunction
with AW. Rumor has it AWI tried to hire him once, but he turned them
down, saying "You still haven't reimbursed me for the work I've already
done for you!"

Anduin - One of the local G-men, this self-proclaimed Scribe knows how
to put a woman in her place, at least when he can tell the difference...

BinaryBud - This one has recently gotten into the habit of referring to
himself in the 3rd person. Just another notch in his odd writing style
that makes you wonder "You sure he isn't drunk?"

Bowen - Here's one that will say anything just to say something, even if
he has no clue about the subject at hand. I guess there are some people
who just like to watch themselves type... *looks around innocently*

Brant - Former Caretaker of AWTeen, he's apparently decided to trade the
hassle of dealing with immature teens to dealing with immature posters
in the NGs. Sounds to me like he got ripped off on that trade.

Brock - This dude with a 'tude isn't afraid to speak his mind,
especially when it concerns others in his own age range. In other words,
the perfect NG candidate.

CarlBanks - Caution: May contain brain-like substance. Also prone to
lashing out, especially when it feels its RPG territory is being threatened.

Daphne - You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and
WILL be used against you, anytime, anywhere. This one's penchant for
storing away chat logs and telegrams for later use makes the Library of
Congress look like the local newsstand. If you are at all worried about
your virtual reputation, don't talk to her. Ever.

E N Z O - Judge, Jury, and Executioner. The CEO of AWI has now appointed
himself the new moderator of the NGs and has taken upon himself the
unenviable task of ridding the community NG of all nastiness! Want to
get on his bad side? Just mention one of the three magic words: "Gor",
"CY", or "Committee"!

Goober King - With a name like this, anyone who takes this guy seriously
is just asking for trouble.

InSaNiTy/Filmkr/Host - Whatever name you call him, this one always boils
down to one word: "Distrust". In fact, he's probably the only person in
the NGs who can claim to be universally loathed by every NG regular. And
yet, he still somehow manages to run a successful business...

J B E L L - The self-described "Everyone's Favorite Troll", this guy
appears to simply fall under the "Trying Too Hard" category. It's almost
as if he *wants* everyone to hate him, but something prevents them from
doing so. No wonder he owns a world centered around debates...

JerMe - One of the many resident geeks in the NG, this one's clearly
started his turn to trolldom. Just don't get him started on AWI's
incompetency. Wouldn't want him to get banned or anything...

jstone2004 - AWTeen Poster Boy, he's decided to make it his mission to
prove to the world that AWTeen isn't full of immature ingrates. Of
course, it makes his job that much more tragic when those same immature
ingrates prove him wrong...

Kellee - This saucy Aussie is just about the only thing holding the
entire AWSchool system together these days. No wonder she wants to
approve the use of the word "shit" in AW...

Kerstin - Keeper of the Sigh Awards. Voting for the Sigh Awards will
begin on December 6th... no wait, December 13th... no, December 25th...
no, that's a holiday... oh, screw it! *sigh*

Linn - She of the Garbled English, no one has been able to figure out
exactly what causes her to act the way she does. Whatever it is also
apparently causes her to think everyone else is telepathic and can read
her mind. Makes for interesting conversation, hmmmm?

Lioness. - This is one cat that's definitely got some teeth! Just be
careful, because she doesn't usually go for the quick one-bite kill, but
rather prefers to bury you under huge piles of words. Paragraph nerds
need not apply.

Maki - Here's another one that's made a rather infamous name for
himself, first by pissing off an entire contingent of NG Survivor
players, and then pissing off the normally infallible AlphaBit Phalpha.
When you can actually make ABP break out the frowny face, you know
you've hit a nerve.

MrBruce - He wants to help the AW community, but apparently some people
don't want his help. This one still needs to learn the basic rule of
success here in AW: Don't listen to anyone but yourself.

NCC 71854/72897 - A trekkie geek who's also apparently trying to be
"black". Don't hate on the playa... hate on the Romulans! After all,
wouldn't want to look like a hypocrite, now would we?

Nornny - Creator of the LSD-enduced trip known as Newsgroup Survivor,
this guy's another one that can be filed under the "Tries Too Hard"
category, except instead of getting people to hate him, he apparently
wants people to think he's insane. So far, it appears to be working.

PC Hamster - Like Bowen, this one likes to insert his 2 cents wherever
he can. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell him that the
Hamsterville-NG credibility exchange rate is terrible, and that
mentioning his town every chance he gets will not make it any better.

Strike Rapier - Another AWTeener that's well on his way to Troll
stardom. He seems anxious to pick a fight with just about anyone. Too
bad he always seems to get owned.

SW Chris - The Brains of the SW City Brigade. Of course, when you look
at the rest of the Lingo-ridden bunch, that's not saying much...

SWE - Another Teener Troll with an apparent hard-on for all things
Anti-American. I guess living in Libya, a country labelled by the US as
harboring terrorists, will do that to you...

Talisan - G-people Poster Boy who's made it his personal mission to
prove that Goreans aren't just about sex and slavery. They're also
about... umm, well... loyalty! Yea, that's it...

TechnoZeus - Newly appointed Punching Bag for the CY Committee (He
thought the "PB" on the application form was a typo). He said he took
the PR position because no one else would. Now he's starting to
understand why.

Wizard Myrddin - Linn's apparent partner in crime, this one can at least
claim to have a decent head on his shoulders. Now if he could only get
some of that to rub off on his female counterpart...

And those are just some of the folks you'll run into here in these
newsgroups! Now that we've got introductions out of the way, it's time
for a little newsgroup history lesson! I now present you with:

The NG Troll Hall of Fame
-------------------------

Eep - He is the Alpha, he is the Omega. He is the be-all and end-all of
trolls everywhere and they all aspire to be like him. With a "Drive
through" here and a "Suck filter" there, he could annoy the most stoic
of NG travelers. And yet, he somehow managed to retain a lovable quality
about him, much like the grumpy old man in the rocking chair you just
love to hear complain. Even today, after he was finally banned entirely
from the NGs, others have tried to duplicate his attitude and demeanor,
but never to the success he achieved in his long and storied career. A
true Troll legend.

Pokemon Web - Nothing would be terribly notable about this Troll, except
he was the first person to introduce the Troll strategy of Capitalizing
The First Letter In Every Word In His Sentences. Needless to say, it
drove people nuts and he was eventually driven out of the NGs, never to
be heard from again.

Nova - Grammar was a concept totally lost on this Troll. Punctuation,
Capitalization, Sentence Structure; none of it mattered to him as he was
content to simply spill out a constant stream of incoherent words. Many
NG Grammarians tried their hardest to instill some semblance of
coherency to him, but they all failed horribly. Eventually, Nova simply
disappeared without a trace and with not even so much as a "you guys are
annoying im going now ok bye bye" :-/

Legion - Never was a name more apt, for it definitely seemed like this
Troll was possessed by a multitude of annoying demons. Not only was his
English atrocious, but he also had many eccentricities, including an
extremely misplaced loyalty to AWI (he was afraid he'd get sued if he
didn't kiss up to them) and the idea that he was chummy with Eep.
Naturally, Eep didn't take to well to this and battles ensued.
Eventually, Legion would too fade from NG lore with nary a garbled peep.

Agent Fox Mulder/Col Klink - Think about what the bastard child of
Pokemon Web and Nova would look like, and you get Agent Fox Mulder. His
thickheadedness was second to none and he was much like a disease: he
never really went away. Thankfully, he eventually did go away, but not
before leaving behind a world that would make a heroine addict trip out
and ensured that you would never look at the TV show "Boy Meets World"
in quite the same way again...

Lanezeri - With an ego the size of Jupiter, this Troll seemed to firmly
believe that the entire NG revolved around him and his AW exploits,
including his anit-USWF campaign. He also seemed obsessed with the idea
that everyone actually cared that he was leaving the NGs. Of course, he
"left" about 5 different times, but eventually he did leave for good,
and there was much rejoicing.

SonofSolaris - Famous for picking a fight with BinaryBud, this one
launched himself face-first into Trolldom by suddenly going ballistic on
the entire NG, including posting false reports of Gavroche's death.
Mercifully, he was banned from the NGs shortly thereafter.

M a r c u s - This Troll made it his life-long quest to rid the entire
AW Universe of the scourge known as "porn". After that gambit failed
miserably, he hung around the NGs, constantly bashing AWI for what he
perceived was inaction on their part concerning said porn. Later on, he
also decided to accuse them of cheating him out of money for a free cit
he received with a world. Naturally, after all the accusations and
general thickheadedness, Marcus was silenced, to the relief of all.

Chucks Party - Infamous for getting involved in the Broadway/NewYork
world feud and turning it into an all-out war. As he continued to
escalate the conflict, it became obvious that neither of the original
feud participants wanted anything to do with him. Eventually, Chucks
earned the contempt of practically every NG regular with his tactics and
was summarily run out of the NGs, with AWI locking the door behind him.

JFK2/JFK2 Builder/Ohhhhhmy - Never has the AW NGs seen a Troll like this
one before or since. Not even the mighty Eep could contend with his
completely incoherent ramblings and word spasms. When Chucks Party
dragged him into the Broadway/NewYork conflict, it just made the mess
even worse due to JFK2s unpredictable and irrational outbursts. Even
Chucks Party wanted nothing to do with him after awhile. But, unlike
Chucks Party, JFK2 was not banned from the NGs and continued to pop up
frequently to remind everyone of his love/hate relationship with Just
In, and his love/love relationship with little boys. Eventually, all his
talk of pedophilia got him banned, but he recently resurfaced under the
name Ohhhhhmy to torment the NGs once again. Thankfully, it didn't take
AWI long to see that he hadn't changed a lick and punted him out the
door a second time. We can only hope that this time, it's for good.

So, there you have it: Some examples of what NOT to do in these NGs. If
you stay away from the paths these immortalized few have followed, you
can expect to have a pleasant stay here in these NGs. And, for those of
you aspiring trolls out there, you can use this as a word of warning for
where you may be headed if you continue on this well-trodden path.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your stay in the NGs! :)

--
Goober King
DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!!!
gooberking at utn.cjb.net

nornny11

Nov 28, 2002, 11:27am
Hey Goober, didn't I tell you to get out more?

Whoever can remember newsgroup trolls from pre-millenium truly has talent.

--
--
From the Newbie's Guide to the AW NG:

"Nornny11 - The original wishy-washy man, this one can actually insult you
and compliment you in the same breath, and in the end say absolutely
nothing! What a talent!"

[View Quote]

swe

Nov 28, 2002, 12:37pm
just need to correct one thing:
[View Quote]

swe

Nov 28, 2002, 12:43pm
just need to correct one thing:

for Goober King it should be:
Complete idiot who decides to write things about people he doesnt even know
and then wonders why he has no real life friend, or for that matter, real
LIFE!

now i know, your gonna reply saying " your doing the same thing genius!!!"
or some shit like that, guess your right, but then again, i guess i could
complain about those complaining about those wasting bandwidth.

[View Quote]

swe

Nov 28, 2002, 12:53pm
first, dont read the first post!it was an accident
second, sorry about forgetting to take off all the shit i was replying to.

agent1 webmaster@shatteredplattersdotcom

Nov 28, 2002, 1:31pm
Eerily accurate :)

-Agent1

[View Quote]

rossyboy

Nov 28, 2002, 2:07pm
I don't really thing Goober's guide to the newsgroups is a waste of time;
it's funny!

Or maybe you were just mad about your entry:
"SWE - Another Teener Troll with an apparent hard-on for all things
Anti-American. I guess living in Libya, a country labelled by the US as
harboring terrorists, will do that to you..."


"swe" <swe at swe-e.com> wrote this
(news:3de62b7d at server1.Activeworlds.com) in community on 28 Nov 2002:

> just need to correct one thing:
>
> for Goober King it should be:
> Complete idiot who decides to write things about people he doesnt even
> know and then wonders why he has no real life friend, or for that
> matter, real LIFE!
>
> now i know, your gonna reply saying " your doing the same thing
> genius!!!" or some shit like that, guess your right, but then again, i
> guess i could complain about those complaining about those wasting
> bandwidth.

swe

Nov 28, 2002, 2:28pm
why would i be made about that?

[View Quote]

mod

Nov 28, 2002, 2:54pm
and of course there are those who goober never mentions, and so when it
strikes, all are surprised 0_0

-Mod
[View Quote]

maki

Nov 28, 2002, 3:09pm
Oh joy! That was great goob. :)

awmaki.com
[View Quote]

strike rapier

Nov 28, 2002, 4:51pm
You seriously need to reconsider your views on people coming from worlds directly effecting a persons posting habits (unless its AWTeen spam from 1 of the core). I thought you had more honour than that.

- Mark

[View Quote]

bowen

Nov 28, 2002, 5:02pm
> Bowen - Here's one that will say anything just to say something, even if
> he has no clue about the subject at hand. I guess there are some people
> who just like to watch themselves type... *looks around innocently*

:) Want my mirror?

--Bowen--

brant

Nov 28, 2002, 5:08pm
Pure genius. Don't listen to them, Goober - I'll have to be like Nornny now
and put my writeup as my signatures :)

-Brant

[View Quote]

brant

Nov 28, 2002, 5:10pm
One more comment about the "Hall of Fame" - where is Eep now? For the
number of times he's complained about not being able to jump in AW, he
should get an award :)

nornny11

Nov 28, 2002, 5:55pm
I agree with Brant. :) You're a satirical genius, Goob. :) You manage to get
EVERYONE'S perception of all the posters (except maybe themselves) you
mentioned in one neat little witty sentence, that's talent.

As for anyone who's slightly offended, realize people do think about you in
a such a way, and rather than get mad about it, perpetuate it, because it
wouldn't be the AW newsgroup without ya!

</end useless post that was here only to show off new sig!>
--
--
From the Newbie's Guide to the AW NG v. 4.0:

"Nornny - Creator of the LSD-enduced trip known as Newsgroup Survivor, this
guy's another one that can be filed under the "Tries Too Hard" category,
except instead of getting people to hate him, he apparently wants people to
think he's insane. So far, it appears to be working."

[View Quote]

kah

Nov 28, 2002, 8:17pm
"goober king" <gooberking at utn.cjb.net> wrote in
news:3DE5C9E3.5060800 at utn.cjb.net:

> Don't look now, but it's another edition of the NG2tNGs! That's right,
> the Newbie Guide to the Newsgroups!
><<snip>>

Gah! I'm not in it anymore :-((

KAH

shred

Nov 28, 2002, 8:51pm
He does say right off the bat not to take him seriously. It's just not healthy :P

The point of the whole thing is really to make friendly banter. It's meant to be in jest, not to actually insult anyone. Loosen the tie, man :P

[View Quote]

goober king

Nov 28, 2002, 8:55pm
The wonderful thing about newsgroups is that you can always go back and
re-download all the old posts. It makes coming up with material that
much easier. :)

[View Quote] > Hey Goober, didn't I tell you to get out more?
>
> Whoever can remember newsgroup trolls from pre-millenium truly has talent.
>
> --
> --
> From the Newbie's Guide to the AW NG:
>
> "Nornny11 - The original wishy-washy man, this one can actually insult you
> and compliment you in the same breath, and in the end say absolutely
> nothing! What a talent!"
>
[View Quote] --
Goober King
Nothing like the classic posters...
gooberking at utn.cjb.net

goober king

Nov 28, 2002, 8:57pm
Ya gotta make a name for yourself here in the NGs before you can get in
the NG2tNGs. :) And just being a player in NG Survivor doesn't count! :P

[View Quote] > and of course there are those who goober never mentions, and so when it
> strikes, all are surprised 0_0
>
> -Mod
[View Quote] --
Goober King
Some people just aren't unique enough...
gooberking at utn.cjb.net

goober king

Nov 28, 2002, 8:58pm
*blink* What's honor got to do with satire? :P

[View Quote] > You seriously need to reconsider your views on people coming from worlds directly effecting a persons posting habits (unless its AWTeen spam from 1 of the core). I thought you had more honour than that.
>
> - Mark
>
[View Quote] --
Goober King
Still finding ways to piss the right people off :D
gooberking at utn.cjb.net

anduin

Nov 28, 2002, 9:14pm
An identity claiming to be known as goober king scribed the following news:3DE5C9E3.5060800 at utn.cjb.net :

> Anduin - One of the local G-men, this self-proclaimed Scribe knows how
> to put a woman in her place, at least when he can tell the difference...

Mmmm, interesting, very interesting <rubs hands together with a grin>.

--
Anduin (317281)
- The Gorean Scribe
- http://www.anduin-lothario.com

anduin

Nov 28, 2002, 9:15pm
An identity claiming to be known as strike rapier scribed the following news:3de665c0 at server1.Activeworlds.com :

> You seriously need to reconsider your views on people coming from worlds
> directly effecting a persons posting habits (unless its AWTeen spam from 1 of
> the core). I thought you had more honour than that.

"Goober King - With a name like this, anyone who takes this guy seriously
is just asking for trouble."

--
Anduin (317281)
- The Gorean Scribe
- http://www.anduin-lothario.com

brock

Nov 28, 2002, 9:41pm
Newbie Guide to the Newsgroups always make my day lol

--
Brock - 308723
AW 3.4 Build: 446
Brock at iceflare.net

From Newbie Guide to the Newsgroup (4th Edition):

"Brock - This dude with a 'tude isn't afraid to speak his mind,
especially when it concerns others in his own age range. In other words,
the perfect NG candidate."

jstone2004

Nov 28, 2002, 10:08pm
absolutely wonderful, and strangely correct, goob :-) I agree w/ Brant and
Nornny :P

J

[View Quote]

count dracula

Nov 28, 2002, 11:41pm
rossyboy <rossyboy at swcity.net> kirjoitti
viestissä:3de63f26 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> I don't really thing Goober's guide to the newsgroups is a waste of time;
> it's funny!
>
> Or maybe you were just mad about your entry:
> "SWE - Another Teener Troll with an apparent hard-on for all things
> Anti-American. I guess living in Libya, a country labelled by the US as
> harboring terrorists, will do that to you..."
>
Strange that I did not make the list; it seems I have a reputation to be the
most anti-US cit in AW. That is of course not true, I just dislike
authorities, telling us how we are supposed to think or act, telling us what
is apropiate or not etc..

Drac

technozeus

Nov 29, 2002, 2:28am
Brilliantly written. :)

TechnoZeus
PB.. er, um.. Yeah.

:)

[View Quote]

technozeus

Nov 29, 2002, 2:32am
Classic. :)

TZ


[View Quote] :)

technozeus

Nov 29, 2002, 2:36am
Gotta love that subtle flame with the obscure target. :)

TechnoZeus

[View Quote]

technozeus

Nov 29, 2002, 2:37am
Hehe.

TZ

[View Quote]

lioness.

Nov 29, 2002, 3:11am
(shrugs) What can I say?? hehehe ;-"D



[View Quote]

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