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On the lighter side of hurricane season ;-") (General Discussion)
On the lighter side of hurricane season ;-") // General Discussion
Sep 18, 2003, 12:54am
Living in Florida
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob
out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our
experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately,
statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most
people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to
pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated
27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob
and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
kidneys.
SHUTTERS:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors,
and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap.
The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall
off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up.
The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be
useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.
Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
visiting relatives, etc...
You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned
out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The
purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home
when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic
jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy
a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it
is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise.
....SO MOVE TO NEBRASKA
( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO MOVE
TO FLORIDA TO AVOID TORNADOS! )
Sep 18, 2003, 10:56am
lol very funny Lioness Thanx for sharing...:)
[View Quote]"lioness." <nobody at nowhere.net> wrote in message news:3f691e48 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Living in Florida
>
> We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
> going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob
> out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
>
>
> (1) There is no need to panic.
>
> (2) We could all be killed.
>
> Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
> to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
> the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our
> experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
> preparedness plan:
>
> STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
> three days.
>
> STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
>
> STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately,
> statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most
> people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
>
> We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
>
> HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
> Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
> meets two basic requirements:
>
> (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
>
> (2) It is located in Nebraska.
>
> Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
> might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
> not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to
> pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
> business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
> insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
> the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
> you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated
> 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob
> and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
> addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
> kidneys.
>
> SHUTTERS:
> Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors,
> and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
> types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
>
> Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
> they're cheap.
>
> The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall
> off.
>
> Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
> them all up.
> The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be
> useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
>
> Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
> will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
> to sell your house to pay for them.
>
> Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
> protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
> hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
> lives in Nebraska.
>
> Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
> yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
> visiting relatives, etc...
> You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
> you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
> Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
>
> EVACUATION ROUTE:
>
> If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned
> out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
> driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The
> purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home
> when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic
> jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
> evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
>
> HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
>
> If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
> now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
> minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
> strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
> water, you will need the following supplies:
>
> 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
> power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
>
> Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
> bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
>
> 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
>
> A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
> hurricane, but it looks cool.)
>
> A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
> who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
> alligators.)
>
> $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy
> a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
>
> Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it
> is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
> your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
> to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
> everybody to stay away from the ocean.
>
> Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise.
>
>
> ...SO MOVE TO NEBRASKA
>
> ( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO MOVE
> TO FLORIDA TO AVOID TORNADOS! )
>
>
>
>
|
Sep 18, 2003, 6:09pm
Rofl... that was very good. XD
[View Quote]"lioness." <nobody at nowhere.net> wrote in message
news:3f691e48 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Living in Florida
>
> We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you're
> going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar
blob
> out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
>
>
> (1) There is no need to panic.
>
> (2) We could all be killed.
>
> Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
> to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
> the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our
> experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
> preparedness plan:
>
> STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
> three days.
>
> STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
>
> STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately,
> statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most
> people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
>
> We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
>
> HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance.
> Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
> meets two basic requirements:
>
> (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
>
> (2) It is located in Nebraska.
>
> Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
> might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer
> not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required
to
> pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
> business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
> insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal
to
> the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
> you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an
estimated
> 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob
> and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
> addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
> kidneys.
>
> SHUTTERS:
> Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors,
> and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
> types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
>
> Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
> they're cheap.
>
> The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall
> off.
>
> Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
> them all up.
> The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be
> useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
>
> Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
> will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have
> to sell your house to pay for them.
>
> Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
> protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
> hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.
He
> lives in Nebraska.
>
> Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
> yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
> visiting relatives, etc...
> You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
> you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
> Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly
missiles.
>
> EVACUATION ROUTE:
>
> If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned
> out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
> driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area).
The
> purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your
home
> when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic
traffic
> jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
> evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
>
> HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
>
> If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
> now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
> minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
> strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
> water, you will need the following supplies:
>
> 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
> power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
>
> Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
> bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
>
> 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
>
> A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
> hurricane, but it looks cool.)
>
> A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
> who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
> alligators.)
>
> $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy
> a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
>
> Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it
> is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
> your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right
next
> to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
> everybody to stay away from the ocean.
>
> Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise.
>
>
> ...SO MOVE TO NEBRASKA
>
> ( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO
MOVE
> TO FLORIDA TO AVOID TORNADOS! )
>
>
>
>
|
Sep 18, 2003, 6:09pm
lol
--
-.Duo. (342836)
[View Quote]"lioness." <nobody at nowhere.net> wrote in message
news:3f691e48 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Living in Florida
>
> We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you're
> going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar
blob
> out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
>
>
> (1) There is no need to panic.
>
> (2) We could all be killed.
>
> Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
> to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
> the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our
> experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
> preparedness plan:
>
> STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
> three days.
>
> STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
>
> STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately,
> statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most
> people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
>
> We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
>
> HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance.
> Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
> meets two basic requirements:
>
> (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
>
> (2) It is located in Nebraska.
>
> Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
> might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer
> not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required
to
> pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
> business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
> insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal
to
> the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
> you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an
estimated
> 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob
> and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
> addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
> kidneys.
>
> SHUTTERS:
> Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors,
> and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
> types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
>
> Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
> they're cheap.
>
> The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall
> off.
>
> Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
> them all up.
> The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be
> useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
>
> Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
> will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have
> to sell your house to pay for them.
>
> Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
> protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
> hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.
He
> lives in Nebraska.
>
> Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
> yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
> visiting relatives, etc...
> You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
> you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
> Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly
missiles.
>
> EVACUATION ROUTE:
>
> If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned
> out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
> driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area).
The
> purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your
home
> when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic
traffic
> jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
> evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
>
> HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
>
> If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
> now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
> minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
> strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
> water, you will need the following supplies:
>
> 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
> power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
>
> Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
> bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
>
> 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
>
> A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
> hurricane, but it looks cool.)
>
> A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
> who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
> alligators.)
>
> $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy
> a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
>
> Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it
> is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
> your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right
next
> to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
> everybody to stay away from the ocean.
>
> Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise.
>
>
> ...SO MOVE TO NEBRASKA
>
> ( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO
MOVE
> TO FLORIDA TO AVOID TORNADOS! )
>
>
>
>
|
Sep 18, 2003, 9:31pm
blah.. forget nebraska.. fly to Los Angeles, where i am, where you can have
your beaches and stuff and never have a huricane to worry about
[View Quote]"lioness." <nobody at nowhere.net> wrote in message
news:3f691e48 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Living in Florida
>
> We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you're
> going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar
blob
> out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
>
>
> (1) There is no need to panic.
>
> (2) We could all be killed.
>
> Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
> to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
> the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our
> experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
> preparedness plan:
>
> STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
> three days.
>
> STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
>
> STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately,
> statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most
> people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
>
> We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
>
> HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance.
> Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
> meets two basic requirements:
>
> (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
>
> (2) It is located in Nebraska.
>
> Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
> might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer
> not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required
to
> pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
> business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
> insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal
to
> the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
> you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an
estimated
> 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob
> and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
> addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
> kidneys.
>
> SHUTTERS:
> Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors,
> and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
> types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
>
> Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
> they're cheap.
>
> The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall
> off.
>
> Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
> them all up.
> The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be
> useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
>
> Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
> will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have
> to sell your house to pay for them.
>
> Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
> protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
> hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.
He
> lives in Nebraska.
>
> Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
> yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
> visiting relatives, etc...
> You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
> you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
> Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly
missiles.
>
> EVACUATION ROUTE:
>
> If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned
> out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
> driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area).
The
> purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your
home
> when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic
traffic
> jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
> evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
>
> HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
>
> If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
> now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
> minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
> strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
> water, you will need the following supplies:
>
> 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
> power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
>
> Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
> bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
>
> 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
>
> A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
> hurricane, but it looks cool.)
>
> A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
> who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
> alligators.)
>
> $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy
> a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
>
> Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it
> is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
> your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right
next
> to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
> everybody to stay away from the ocean.
>
> Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise.
>
>
> ...SO MOVE TO NEBRASKA
>
> ( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO
MOVE
> TO FLORIDA TO AVOID TORNADOS! )
>
>
>
>
|
Sep 18, 2003, 10:23pm
Yes and
( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO MOVE
TO NEBRASKA TO AVOID BEING AT THE CENTER OF EARTHQUAKES! )
--
-.Duo. (342836)
[View Quote]"alexthemartian" <alex at virtual-studios.net> wrote in message
news:3f6a4038 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> blah.. forget nebraska.. fly to Los Angeles, where i am, where you can
have
> your beaches and stuff and never have a huricane to worry about
>
> "lioness." <nobody at nowhere.net> wrote in message
> news:3f691e48 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> you're
> blob
new
for
hurricane
least
> Unfortunately,
Most
> insurance.
home
that
> prefer
> to
> to
drop
> estimated
Bob
> doors,
get
and
> have
> He
your
furniture,
(if
> missiles.
> planned
> The
> home
> traffic
them
the
the
anybody
> buy
near,
> it
on
> next
> MOVE
>
>
|
Sep 19, 2003, 5:14am
LOL
[View Quote]".duo." <ncommons at comcast.net> wrote in message
news:3f6a4c73$1 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Yes and
>
> ( AND THEN ONCE YOU MOVE THERE, BUY A TRAVEL BROCHURE THAT TELLS YOU TO
MOVE
> TO NEBRASKA TO AVOID BEING AT THE CENTER OF EARTHQUAKES! )
>
> --
> -.Duo. (342836)
> "alexthemartian" <alex at virtual-studios.net> wrote in message
> news:3f6a4038 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> have
radar
> new
> for
> hurricane
> least
> Most
items:
> home
> that
required
insurance
equal
> drop
> Bob
my
several
yourself,
fall
> get
> and
so.
> your
> furniture,
> (if
immediately).
your
other
> them
> the
> the
a
> anybody
can
> near,
> on
for
TO
>
>
|
|