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Windows XP Humor (General Discussion)
Windows XP Humor // General Discussion
Feb 8, 2002, 11:53pm
I saw this on a security discussion board. Pretty funny stuff.
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Wednesday November 7 7:00 PM EST
Windows XP Flight Feature Flawed
by Tom Condon
Redmond, WA - One of the most acclaimed features of the new Microsoft
Windows XP release is its ability to enable users to fly without the aid
of any mechanical assistance whatsoever. As the Microsoft commercials
vividly display, users of XP can fly simply by spreading their arms.
This is made possible by the new flight feature of Windows XP, called
MSFlight. "The flight feature is something that we have been working on
for some time," said Bill Gates, CSA of Microsoft. "Today's mobile
executives need the ability to fly, and we feel that MSFlight's
capabilities are far superior to those offered by Linux or Apple."
However, as with many Microsoft releases, there have been some problems
with the initial releases. Many users are saying that their flying
experiences are very different from what is shown on the television
commercials.
One example is Martin Feinstein, of Syosset, NY After purchasing Windows
XP, he activated the flying feature and immediately levitated in his
living room. "At first, it was great, just like in the commercials" he
said. However, Mr. Feinstein's computer locked up after only a few
minutes, sending him crashing to he ground and fracturing his right
clavicle. "My computer crashed, and so did I" said Mr. Feinstein, who
purchase an Apple computer the next day.
Another problem is XP's susceptibility to viruses. Janice O'Connor, of
Anderson, North Carolina was ejected from her 14th floor apartment after
opening an e-mail that contained a virus targeted at Windows XP. The
virus, which contains a file aptly named "Flyme2th_moon.exe", initiates
the MSFlight feature, adjusts the speed setting to maximum, and then
shuts down the computer a few seconds later, ending the user's flight
capabilities. Witnesses said that Ms. O'Connor was hurdled through her
apartment's balcony plate glass window and flew approximately 200 yards
at that altitude before plummeting to her death.
"This certainly gives new meaning to the term 'fatal exception'", said
her cousin, Rita O'Reardon, who was injured after opening the virus in
an e-mail from Ms. O'Connor and being thrown against her bedroom wall.
Apparently the virus uses Microsoft Outlook to e-mail copies of itself
to everyone in the victim's contacts list. More than 100 people in
O'Connor's contacts list were sent the virus, but only 3, who had
purchased Windows XP, were injured. Local Police Chief Clem Waters said,
"It is fortunate that sales of XP have been so slow, or this event could
have been much worse."
Another Windows XP user flew a little too well. Amy Branston of San
Francisco was last seen ascending straight up at an amazing speed, and
was tracked by NASA radar moving away from the earth at over 28,000
miles per hour. According to her husband, she had just installed Windows
XP, and thought that the MSFlight feature was a flight simulator game.
"She turned on the MSFlight feature, and shot up like a rocket," he told
BB Spot reporters. Apparently, a glitch in the Windows XP software was
responsible for propelling her into outer space. Microsoft officials
have commented that Windows XP is not capable of accelerating users to
orbital velocity unless they have installed an unlicensed copy of the
software.
NASA officials are very concerned about the potential for Microsoft to
introduce its customers into an already crowded orbital space. Mr. Hal
Clarke, Director of Space Junk for NASA says, "There are tens of
thousands of objects already floating in earth orbit, and it is
difficult enough to track them now" said Mr. Clarke. "If we're going to
have hundreds or thousands of Microsoft users floating around up there,
it's going to get pretty messy. It's not just the bodies we're worried
about. We have calculated that collisions will produce significant
fragmentation, with huge numbers of arms, legs, and other parts." NASA
is already contemplating fitting its space shuttles with windshield
wipers to help clean off blood and bodily fluids from collisions with
orbiting Microsoft XP users.
The FAA is also concerned about the potential for traffic problems in
commercial air space. "If there are going to be thousands of Microsoft
XP users flying around in the air, we're going to have a traffic control
nightmare on our hands," said FAA spokesman Norman Krazowski. "They are
all going to have to file flight plans, and carry anti-collision
transponders and flight data recorders just like airplanes. Also,
randomly-selected XP users will be selected and required to carry an
undercover Air Marshall with them." Microsoft has responded to the FAA
by saying that any undercover Air Marshals attached to any flying XP
users will also have to purchase a licensed copy of Microsoft XP.
Mr. Gates has stressed the safety of Windows XP, noting that it is far
more stable than previous versions of Windows. "I can understand why
people would have been hesitant to trust their lives to previous
versions of Windows, but XP is far more stable, and users can feel
completely secure flying at any altitude while using XP." When asked by
a reporter why he chose to arrive in a limousine rather than use the
flight feature of Windows XP, Mr. Gates declined to comment.
-----
Builderz
Stuff-X
http://www.stuff-x.com/
Feb 9, 2002, 10:48am
I can honestly say I have never had any of these problems with my version of
Windows Xp.
I have found the flight control in perfect working order, indeed I often fly
around my world with no ill effects whatsoever..
Only problem I have encountered is, I was flying around my local area when
members of the narcotics squad rushed to arrest me for suspicions of being
under the influence of illegal substances.
Only after they enlisting the help of members of the Nato task force
curently stationed nearby prior to being sent on their caving trip to
Afganistian did they manage to ground me for questioning.
After explaining to all concerned that I was a Windows XP user did they
release me from detention and enroll me in the recently opened Flying school
"Pearly Gates"
Since recieving instruction I now strap on my seat harness and conduct my
pre windows XP boot up checks, this togather with informing the local
services that I am about to boot up XP and can expect me flying within 10
min.
Indeed I have heard that NASA are looking into installing XP in all future
shuttle craft as the new propellant.
Yours
Wizard
3rd bed from the right under window
St Gates Mental instution for the retired XP
Bullwaste St
Seatle by the Gates
Wa
[View Quote]"builderz" <sawran at yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3C647ECF.DB1A7061 at yahoo.com...
> I saw this on a security discussion board. Pretty funny stuff.
> -----
> Wednesday November 7 7:00 PM EST
> Windows XP Flight Feature Flawed
> by Tom Condon
>
> Redmond, WA - One of the most acclaimed features of the new Microsoft
> Windows XP release is its ability to enable users to fly without the aid
> of any mechanical assistance whatsoever. As the Microsoft commercials
> vividly display, users of XP can fly simply by spreading their arms.
> This is made possible by the new flight feature of Windows XP, called
> MSFlight. "The flight feature is something that we have been working on
> for some time," said Bill Gates, CSA of Microsoft. "Today's mobile
> executives need the ability to fly, and we feel that MSFlight's
> capabilities are far superior to those offered by Linux or Apple."
>
> However, as with many Microsoft releases, there have been some problems
> with the initial releases. Many users are saying that their flying
> experiences are very different from what is shown on the television
> commercials.
>
> One example is Martin Feinstein, of Syosset, NY After purchasing Windows
> XP, he activated the flying feature and immediately levitated in his
> living room. "At first, it was great, just like in the commercials" he
> said. However, Mr. Feinstein's computer locked up after only a few
> minutes, sending him crashing to he ground and fracturing his right
> clavicle. "My computer crashed, and so did I" said Mr. Feinstein, who
> purchase an Apple computer the next day.
>
> Another problem is XP's susceptibility to viruses. Janice O'Connor, of
> Anderson, North Carolina was ejected from her 14th floor apartment after
> opening an e-mail that contained a virus targeted at Windows XP. The
> virus, which contains a file aptly named "Flyme2th_moon.exe", initiates
> the MSFlight feature, adjusts the speed setting to maximum, and then
> shuts down the computer a few seconds later, ending the user's flight
> capabilities. Witnesses said that Ms. O'Connor was hurdled through her
> apartment's balcony plate glass window and flew approximately 200 yards
> at that altitude before plummeting to her death.
>
> "This certainly gives new meaning to the term 'fatal exception'", said
> her cousin, Rita O'Reardon, who was injured after opening the virus in
> an e-mail from Ms. O'Connor and being thrown against her bedroom wall.
> Apparently the virus uses Microsoft Outlook to e-mail copies of itself
> to everyone in the victim's contacts list. More than 100 people in
> O'Connor's contacts list were sent the virus, but only 3, who had
> purchased Windows XP, were injured. Local Police Chief Clem Waters said,
> "It is fortunate that sales of XP have been so slow, or this event could
> have been much worse."
>
> Another Windows XP user flew a little too well. Amy Branston of San
> Francisco was last seen ascending straight up at an amazing speed, and
> was tracked by NASA radar moving away from the earth at over 28,000
> miles per hour. According to her husband, she had just installed Windows
> XP, and thought that the MSFlight feature was a flight simulator game.
> "She turned on the MSFlight feature, and shot up like a rocket," he told
> BB Spot reporters. Apparently, a glitch in the Windows XP software was
> responsible for propelling her into outer space. Microsoft officials
> have commented that Windows XP is not capable of accelerating users to
> orbital velocity unless they have installed an unlicensed copy of the
> software.
>
> NASA officials are very concerned about the potential for Microsoft to
> introduce its customers into an already crowded orbital space. Mr. Hal
> Clarke, Director of Space Junk for NASA says, "There are tens of
> thousands of objects already floating in earth orbit, and it is
> difficult enough to track them now" said Mr. Clarke. "If we're going to
> have hundreds or thousands of Microsoft users floating around up there,
> it's going to get pretty messy. It's not just the bodies we're worried
> about. We have calculated that collisions will produce significant
> fragmentation, with huge numbers of arms, legs, and other parts." NASA
> is already contemplating fitting its space shuttles with windshield
> wipers to help clean off blood and bodily fluids from collisions with
> orbiting Microsoft XP users.
>
> The FAA is also concerned about the potential for traffic problems in
> commercial air space. "If there are going to be thousands of Microsoft
> XP users flying around in the air, we're going to have a traffic control
> nightmare on our hands," said FAA spokesman Norman Krazowski. "They are
> all going to have to file flight plans, and carry anti-collision
> transponders and flight data recorders just like airplanes. Also,
> randomly-selected XP users will be selected and required to carry an
> undercover Air Marshall with them." Microsoft has responded to the FAA
> by saying that any undercover Air Marshals attached to any flying XP
> users will also have to purchase a licensed copy of Microsoft XP.
>
> Mr. Gates has stressed the safety of Windows XP, noting that it is far
> more stable than previous versions of Windows. "I can understand why
> people would have been hesitant to trust their lives to previous
> versions of Windows, but XP is far more stable, and users can feel
> completely secure flying at any altitude while using XP." When asked by
> a reporter why he chose to arrive in a limousine rather than use the
> flight feature of Windows XP, Mr. Gates declined to comment.
> -----
> Builderz
> Stuff-X
> http://www.stuff-x.com/
|
Feb 22, 2002, 4:21pm
*LOL*
Thats the best laugh ive had all day :)
Thanks for that post :) Keep em up!
*Still laughing and wanders down to kitchen for drink wondering if Bill
Gates intended for that to happen*
Tip: Goto C:/Windows/RegEdit.exe
Current_System > H_Key_Local_Machine > Programs > Microsoft > Leathal >
MS_Flight > Orbital_Boosters > Change 1 for 0
:P
(Note: this aint right)
Feb 22, 2002, 7:21pm
Windows XP programs may crash, but the OS does not! I have been using it for
months now and it has not crashed once. Sometimes programs will stop
responding, but that happens on any OS, including Unix and Linux.
[View Quote]"builderz" <sawran at yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3C647ECF.DB1A7061 at yahoo.com...
> I saw this on a security discussion board. Pretty funny stuff.
> -----
> Wednesday November 7 7:00 PM EST
> Windows XP Flight Feature Flawed
> by Tom Condon
>
> Redmond, WA - One of the most acclaimed features of the new Microsoft
> Windows XP release is its ability to enable users to fly without the aid
> of any mechanical assistance whatsoever. As the Microsoft commercials
> vividly display, users of XP can fly simply by spreading their arms.
> This is made possible by the new flight feature of Windows XP, called
> MSFlight. "The flight feature is something that we have been working on
> for some time," said Bill Gates, CSA of Microsoft. "Today's mobile
> executives need the ability to fly, and we feel that MSFlight's
> capabilities are far superior to those offered by Linux or Apple."
>
> However, as with many Microsoft releases, there have been some problems
> with the initial releases. Many users are saying that their flying
> experiences are very different from what is shown on the television
> commercials.
>
> One example is Martin Feinstein, of Syosset, NY After purchasing Windows
> XP, he activated the flying feature and immediately levitated in his
> living room. "At first, it was great, just like in the commercials" he
> said. However, Mr. Feinstein's computer locked up after only a few
> minutes, sending him crashing to he ground and fracturing his right
> clavicle. "My computer crashed, and so did I" said Mr. Feinstein, who
> purchase an Apple computer the next day.
>
> Another problem is XP's susceptibility to viruses. Janice O'Connor, of
> Anderson, North Carolina was ejected from her 14th floor apartment after
> opening an e-mail that contained a virus targeted at Windows XP. The
> virus, which contains a file aptly named "Flyme2th_moon.exe", initiates
> the MSFlight feature, adjusts the speed setting to maximum, and then
> shuts down the computer a few seconds later, ending the user's flight
> capabilities. Witnesses said that Ms. O'Connor was hurdled through her
> apartment's balcony plate glass window and flew approximately 200 yards
> at that altitude before plummeting to her death.
>
> "This certainly gives new meaning to the term 'fatal exception'", said
> her cousin, Rita O'Reardon, who was injured after opening the virus in
> an e-mail from Ms. O'Connor and being thrown against her bedroom wall.
> Apparently the virus uses Microsoft Outlook to e-mail copies of itself
> to everyone in the victim's contacts list. More than 100 people in
> O'Connor's contacts list were sent the virus, but only 3, who had
> purchased Windows XP, were injured. Local Police Chief Clem Waters said,
> "It is fortunate that sales of XP have been so slow, or this event could
> have been much worse."
>
> Another Windows XP user flew a little too well. Amy Branston of San
> Francisco was last seen ascending straight up at an amazing speed, and
> was tracked by NASA radar moving away from the earth at over 28,000
> miles per hour. According to her husband, she had just installed Windows
> XP, and thought that the MSFlight feature was a flight simulator game.
> "She turned on the MSFlight feature, and shot up like a rocket," he told
> BB Spot reporters. Apparently, a glitch in the Windows XP software was
> responsible for propelling her into outer space. Microsoft officials
> have commented that Windows XP is not capable of accelerating users to
> orbital velocity unless they have installed an unlicensed copy of the
> software.
>
> NASA officials are very concerned about the potential for Microsoft to
> introduce its customers into an already crowded orbital space. Mr. Hal
> Clarke, Director of Space Junk for NASA says, "There are tens of
> thousands of objects already floating in earth orbit, and it is
> difficult enough to track them now" said Mr. Clarke. "If we're going to
> have hundreds or thousands of Microsoft users floating around up there,
> it's going to get pretty messy. It's not just the bodies we're worried
> about. We have calculated that collisions will produce significant
> fragmentation, with huge numbers of arms, legs, and other parts." NASA
> is already contemplating fitting its space shuttles with windshield
> wipers to help clean off blood and bodily fluids from collisions with
> orbiting Microsoft XP users.
>
> The FAA is also concerned about the potential for traffic problems in
> commercial air space. "If there are going to be thousands of Microsoft
> XP users flying around in the air, we're going to have a traffic control
> nightmare on our hands," said FAA spokesman Norman Krazowski. "They are
> all going to have to file flight plans, and carry anti-collision
> transponders and flight data recorders just like airplanes. Also,
> randomly-selected XP users will be selected and required to carry an
> undercover Air Marshall with them." Microsoft has responded to the FAA
> by saying that any undercover Air Marshals attached to any flying XP
> users will also have to purchase a licensed copy of Microsoft XP.
>
> Mr. Gates has stressed the safety of Windows XP, noting that it is far
> more stable than previous versions of Windows. "I can understand why
> people would have been hesitant to trust their lives to previous
> versions of Windows, but XP is far more stable, and users can feel
> completely secure flying at any altitude while using XP." When asked by
> a reporter why he chose to arrive in a limousine rather than use the
> flight feature of Windows XP, Mr. Gates declined to comment.
> -----
> Builderz
> Stuff-X
> http://www.stuff-x.com/
|
Feb 28, 2002, 2:57pm
emm, crashed for me bout 7 or 8 times (which is better then before, when my
pc would crash at least twice a day) , and i had it bout 2 days after its
release in britian.
SWE
If its name isnt SWE (or God) it isnt worth worshipping...
[View Quote]"dion" <GovDion at subdimension.com> wrote in message
news:3c76b641$1 at server1.Activeworlds.com...
> Windows XP programs may crash, but the OS does not! I have been using it
for
> months now and it has not crashed once. Sometimes programs will stop
> responding, but that happens on any OS, including Unix and Linux.
>
> "builderz" <sawran at yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:3C647ECF.DB1A7061 at yahoo.com...
>
>
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