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Dec 19, 2001, 7:12pm

Hey all,
Firstly, I'm not the one that wrote this, so I don't have a husband etc
etc... I'm male, as most should know already.

I think Santa Claus is a woman.... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth,
but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy
could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of
ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing
calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once
at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket
wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. You might think this would
send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an
enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden. On
this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man,
everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating,
musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there
would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped
onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that
buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to
the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation
problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and
clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact
that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob
Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He
would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace,
and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a
perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

o Men can't pack a bag.
o Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
o Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with
all those elves.
o Men don't answer their mail.
o Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as
anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
o Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
o Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
o Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men.... Father Time
shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies
around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point
fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening
test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. However, as long as we have each
other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The
Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

--
_________________________________________
Anduin Lothario
ICQ#:17962714

SMS: (Send an SMS message to my ICQ): +278314217962714
More ways to contact me:
http://wwp.icq.com/17962714
http://www.anduin-lothario.com
_________________________________________

Dec 19, 2001, 8:48pm

LoL that joke is a tad bit sexist. Not all men fit into that category. The
person who wrote this needs a smack in the head :) no offense, it's still
funny heh.

--Bowen--

[View Quote]

Dec 23, 2001, 5:53am

Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus


1. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
2. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the

office.
3. You could grow a gut the size of Guam and consider it a job
requirement.
4. Buy one big black belt and you'd be accessorized for life.
5. There'd be no reason to have your colors done.
6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you weren't.
7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled...when you laughed...like a

bowlful of jelly, you could hit them with your purse.
8. You'd always work in sensible footwear.
9. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would
remind everyone who's boss.
10. You wouldn't need to buy an expensive briefcase.
11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.
12. You'd never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about your slip
showing.
13. No more trips to the vending machine...you'd just snack on milk and

cookies all day.
14. You'd never be asked to take an early retirement package.
15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because your children
would
adore you; even your teen-agers would want to sit in your lap.
16. You'd be guaranteed the best chair in the office.
17. Age discrimination wouldn't be an issue.
18. You'd never grab the wrong coat on your way out the door.
19. No one would ask to see your job description.
20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they'd better not pout.

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