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Jul 5, 2001, 4:07pm

My firend e-mailed me this source code yesterday...he gets like a millions
errors with it...can anyone see what the problem is with it? ;o)

--------------------------------------------------------

#include nonsense.h
#include lies.h
#include spyware.h

/* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include process.h

/* For the court of law */ >
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{ if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{ if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{ make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking);

/* Standard Call, in lie.h*/
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{ market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch(nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{ case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32
megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world foreveryone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{ arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{ order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{ introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) break;
say("It will be ready in", today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version);
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{ bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{ say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{ ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on thisbastard");
}
}
if (bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{ divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{ steal(their_ideas);
accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}

/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us*/
order(plastic_surgeon,
> make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard();
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version); }
void bugfix(void)
{ charge (a_lot_of_money);
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{ ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);

/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

Jul 5, 2001, 5:13pm

LOL .... you're joking right?

Grims.

[View Quote]

Jul 5, 2001, 5:50pm

yeah :o)

[View Quote]

Jul 5, 2001, 10:49pm

In the future, could you post things like this in the general.discussion group? This has nothing to do with AW's SDK...

-Agent1

[View Quote]

Jul 5, 2001, 11:02pm

[View Quote] It DOES!! I discovered that one line is missing!

#include <aw_hell.hpp>
And he forgot to link the aw_evil.lib to his program! Shoot - what a newbie :((

Andras

Jul 6, 2001, 4:31am

Thanks Andras...I don't know much C++ though, could you add the lines and
e-mail it to bill at microsoft.com ? My friend would be most grateful ;o)

-Gamer

[View Quote]

Jul 6, 2001, 8:10pm

um - and what about the main loop?

This is nothing but the inner part, the enclosing

for (;;)
{
....
}

round the whole thing is missing, it is a fake version as
it will run only once.

Oh, and someone removed this old IBM copyright for some parts
of this software.


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